“You mean I don’t have to defend myself or my point of view?  But what if they’re saying things that aren’t true?  Shouldn’t I correct them?”
 

An argument is when two people are engaged in the process of making the other person wrong, thus proving that they’re right.  Both sides gather all the information they have and from their position, there is an attempt to get the other person to surrender to a new point of view.  It can be a fun, educational process, or it can be a hurtful process of separation.
 

If the argument is an educational process where everyone gets to learn and grow, then what a wonderful thing!  This is where two or more are gathered and allows for a magical new perspective to emerge, where a third point of view is discovered that embraces both points of view, and a win/win situation is created.  Let’s enter into these types of arguments because it generates newness and expansion is experienced.
 

If, however, the argument is a hurtful process of separation, where everyone holds onto their position of rightness, pretending they know all that is to be known, then no – let’s not attend to these types of arguments.
 

The challenge often is:  How do we gracefully back out of the hurtful argument without insulting the other person, or further engaging them in their desire to make us wrong?  How do we walk away from an argument with dignity?
 

You could simply say, “I want to take a break to think about this, let’s talk later.”  Or, “Can we agree that it is okay for us to disagree, because I sense this is going to be one of those areas that we are going to see it from different points of view?”  Or, “I’m not sure we are going to resolve this right now, let’s let the ‘dust settle’ and revisit this at another time.”

There are times when the other person insists on arguing their point.  These types of situations require another type of skill set.  The best thing to do here is to do the “active listening” technique I describe in The Keys to Joy-Filled Living.  It’s also helpful to remember it’s hard to argue with someone who does not want to argue with you.
 

The key here is to stay in our power, our loving, our neutral, and our peace.  When we walk through life from this perspective, we can see the learning and what is for the Highest good for all concerned.  If we find ourselves being disturbed or knocked off our center, it is often best to take that break so we can regroup and re-center into the our power.  This is an ongoing process of choosing to let go of our position of rightness and moving back into our position of loving.

If it’s all about completion, then it would be a good idea to know just what completion means, and how we can do this thing called “completion.”
 

If we think that completion means that it’s all done, and that no more change or improvement is necessary, well, then we’re in trouble.  There always seems to be one or two little things that need to be worked on to complete a project.  When those one or two little things are done, well, there are always a couple more things that could be improved upon.  And then when those things have been improved upon, then there is just one more little change here that would make it all better.  Now that one little thing has been changed, that seems to open up another area that could use a little more polishing.  There doesn’t seem to be an end to this thing called completion.  That is if it means that it is all done, because it is never “all” done.
 

So let’s look at completion from another point of view.  If we look up the word “complete” it comes from a Latin word which means to “fill up” or “to be fulfilled”.  Now we have a totally different way of looking at completing things in our lives.  If we see completion as a process of filling up or fulfilling ourselves, then all we have to do is ask ourselves, “Do I feel fulfilled with this process, this book, this meal, this closet that wants to be cleaned out, or the garage that is begging for some space, or the relationship that is over.”
 

If this is the definition that I chose to use, then you can go to that book that you’ve only read 34 pages of and say, “I feel complete with this book.  I’m filled up with as much information from this source that I want.  I am fulfilled.”  You can now move the book from your nightstand, dust it off and give it away, put it in the recycle bin, or put it in your bookself.   Done!  You can now go to your closet, and pull out and throw away all of those old t-shirts that have holes in them, close the door and say, “I am complete with cleaning this closet.  I am fulfilled.”  Done!  You can now go that pile of papers on your desk, and move it all into that circular file and say, “I am complete with these papers   I am fulfilled.”  Done!
 

Now you might be thinking, “That’s not right!  You can’t do that!  You’re not complete!”
 

I’m complete if I feel fulfilled.  So let me ask, “When is the meal done?”  Is it when everything on your plate has been eaten or when you feel full?  I would suggest the meal is done when you feel full, when you are fulfilled.  Eating anything more after that point is not a healthy thing to do.  I suspect this is also true in other areas in our lives.
 

The point that I’m attempting to make here is that now that the meal is done, and you feel fulfilled, you can move on to the next thing that is present in your life.  You don’t need to feel guilty or bad, or worry about when you am going to have the time or the energy to go back and eat the rest of that food.  When you are fulfilled in an area, let that process go.  Your mind is free to complete something else.  You don’t need to feel overwhelmed by any incompletes.  Your shoulders relax, you breathe deeper, a smile comes on your face and you feel a sense of joy percolating in your heart.  Nice!
 

So, I would encourage you to go through your home and office and ask the questions, “Am I fulfilled with this book, or this closet or this knitting project.”  If the answer is “yes”, then declare it complete and move it out of your life.  If the answer is “no”, then do what it takes to feel fulfilled, so you can declare it complete.  

We often look at our lives wondering what it’s all about.  We are running here and there.  Doing this and doing that, never seeming to get ahead.  There is an ever expanding “to do” list, another pile of dishes to do, clothes to wash, and bills to pay.  We feel we are like little hamsters running in a circular cage.

“Is this all there is?  What’s it all about?”

I am going to suggest that one of our purposes on this planet is to expand.  We first expanded outside of our mother’s womb, then it was outside of our crib, then it was outside of our house, then down the street, then maybe a different town, and for some a different country.  When we expand we explore new territory.  Sometimes that new territory is in the physical world as I just suggested, and at other times, our expansion is on the inside.  We expand our knowledge of the world when we go to school, we expand our ability to communcate and share with others when we enter into relationships, and we expand our understanding of the human condition when we study prayer and meditation.  It’s and on going thing.  There are worlds without end.  A friend of mine once told me, “When you think you have arrived – keep going.  There is more to discover and more to being.”  It’s called etcetera.

It’s in our expanding that we grow.  It’s in our growing that keeps us alive and vibrant.  If we stop expanding we begin the process of dying.  We get rigid in our bodies and in our thinking process.  Children love to explore and play and touch their toes and discover what is just around the next corner.  They are hungry to know.  If you have forgotten the joy of expanding, of discovering, of learning something new, then give yourself a treat and see if there is a new way to do those dishes.  Is there another way to get to work that you haven’t discovered yet.  Is there something new with your partner that you haven’t noticed?  Is there another way to think about the world that is outside of your comfort zone?  Take a few minutes and follow your thoughts.  Is there a wall your mind runs into?  What is on the other side of that wall, the other side of that thought?  Who is thinking that thought?  Take a deep breath and hold it.  How long can you hold your breath?  Who makes your breathe?  Pick up a book and read a paragraph to someone.  Draw a picture, dance to the music on the radio or the music in your head, laugh sildently and then out loud, lie on your belly and look at the grass with a magnifying glass, look into the eyes of someone you care about and watch your thoughts and emotions.  Smile when you look in the mirror, when you walk down the street, when you drive your car.  Expand your physical world – your emotional world – your mental world – your spiritual world.  Life is waiting for you.

Usually we want to avoid “problems”.  We want life to be smooth and easy.  We want everything to go our way – all of the time. 

I don’t know about you, but that certainly isn’t the way my life works.  I am open for that to happen.  I vision it and I intend it and then, life just seems to do what life seems to do.  Eventually, if I hold my vision and intention long enough, and if it’s for my hightest good, I get some of what I want.  The problem is there always hidden, unexpected surprises, things we call “problems” that come with what I envisioned and intended. 

“Problems” seem to part of the human experience.  “Problems” are like gravity.  They are always present on some level or another.  So, let’s treat problems like gravity.  What do we do with gravity?  We play with it.  We have all kinds of games that require gravity’s participation.  How would we play baseball without gravity?

Gravity is fun.  It requires us to be inventive and creative.  “Problems” can be fun too.  “Problems” require us to get out of our comfort zone.  They require us to think outside the box.  They require us to be creative and to communicate with others.  “Problems” demand that we take another step.  If we chose not to take action, the “problem” gets bigger, and at some point in time the “ouch” will force us to do something different.  It forces us to step into an expansive place.  It forces us to be more of who we truly are – co-creators.

We are in a time when it looks like there are so many problems that people are going into overwhelm.  Let’s not go into overwhelm, let’s go into overdrive.  Let’s stand up and grow forth.  As strange as it may sound, this can be a fun and wondrous process.  We are at one of those times in history, that future generations will look back with awe.  Our children’s, children’s children will say, “I wish I could have been alive when all of that was going on!  Those folks back then really set the stage for us.  They really made a difference!”

“Your body goes where your eyes lead you. Look at what you want more of, and your body will follow.  We get what we focus on.”
 

If this is true, then what you have in your life right now is a result of what you have been focusing on.  If you like what you are experiencing, then you are right on track.  If you don’t like what you are experiencing then it’s time to focus on something else. 
 

This is counter to what we’ve have been trained to do.  We’ve have been trained to focus on those things that are not working.  If you are doing poorly on math, then you need to focus on those math problems that you keep getting wrong, or those spelling words you missed, or that tire on your car that is going bald, or that extra weight you want to get rid of, or the hurt you experience in your relationship, or the lack of money you have to pay your monthly bills.  Yes, you have been taught to focus on the things that don’t work, and to worry about those things you don’t have.  And, you get what you focus on.  Ugh!
 

So, how do you change this you ask?  The process is simply, but not necessarily easy.  The process is to be aware of what you are focusing on.  If it is negative, then you just refocus toward the positive.  That’s it.  It’s that simply.  Ah, but you are so well trained to do just the opposite.  Your care givers and teachers told you that if you don’t worry, then terrible things will happen.  And since you want to avoid terrible things and you’ve been a good student!  So you worry and fret, and worry and fret, and worry and fret. . .  What a wonderfully well greased pattern!  Ugh!
 

The fastest and easiest way I have found to change a habitual pattern is to follow the “5 steps to change” process.  For a detail explanation of the process, look on page 43 of The Keys to Joy-Filled Living.  Basically the process is:  (1) Be aware you are focusing on a negative outcome.  (2) Thank your self for being aware you are in a negative pattern.  (3) Forgive your self for any judgments you have toward your self or others.  (4) Come up with an alternative – create a positive outcome.  (5) Take an action step toward the outcome you desire.
 

 In time, when you look at your life, you’ll be living the positive, wondrous life you have been projecting.  The key here is to keep going.  Don’t stop the positive projections.  If you continuously, consciously, choose the life you want, you will get what you focus on.

“No one is in control.  Control does not exist.  It is an illusion.”
 

“This isn’t true!  I am in control of my life.  I do what I want to do.  No one tells me what to do.  I am my own boss.  I keep myself safe and secure by maintaining control. ” 
 

Boy, do I wish that were true.  Unfortunately, we can’t control anyone outside of ourselves.  We can’t control how they act, how they think or how they feel.  If you think you can, then good luck.  You might be able to get someone to do what you want temporarily by cajoling them, paying them or intimidating them, but total control, all of the time?  We can’t even control ourselves.  We think things, feel things and do things that we don’t want to do – things we say we’ll never do. And, we still do them.  We can’t even control our own breath. 
 

If all of this is true, then how can we be safe and secure?  What can we depend upon?  These two questions surface an interesting belief.  Most of us believe that if we control things or people, then we will be safe – then life will be consistent or dependable.  Check this out next time you want someone to do what you want.  Ask yourself:  “Why do I want them to do it my way?”  I am suggesting, if you track it back, that you want them to do it your way because then you will feel safe and secure. 
 

There are a few things we can feel secure about and depend on in this world.  One is that the sun will show up tomorrow morning, and two, gravity will keep us and things from floating away, and three, we will keep breathing until we stop.  We can depend on these things.  We can feel secure that these things will continue on through time.  We can’t control them, we can only accept them, play with them and enjoy them.  They are constants.  Isn’t that nice? 
 

Feeling Safe and secure comes from something other than control.  It comes from being connected to that which is breathing you.  Go inside and find it.  The journey is filled with joy.